Hello all. Sean O’Brien here. Former (and sometimes current) sheep shearer, potato planter, grave digger, bank teller, and now office drone for <Random heavy industrial plant in the Monongahela Valley that I don’t want sued by> and also a friend of Nick’s from those few years in Pennsylvania that he tries so hard to forget. When Kevin linked me to his article on his eternal otakuhood of all things Woody, I remembered that Nick had mentioned the idea of writing something for his forum a while back. So in that light, allow me to present a review of one of the greatest pieces of literature that it has ever been my pleasure to meet.

Book Review:

 Parker Gasket Company Product Catalogue

2001 Edition

This is a rare gem for any collector of fine heavy industry product manuals. Even the cover takes your breath away. Now, don’t get me wrong. Parker has always rivaled competitors (some say imitators) such as TIME and National Geographic in the quality of their cover art ever since the immortal Rod Calloway (Director of Marketing, Parker Gasket 1989-2002) made the precedent-setting decision to switch to a colour template in ’93. While his contemporaries scoffed, saying that this was a needless waste of money for a catalogue that “no one actually looks at.” in the words of one misguided soul, Mr. Calloway boldly pressed forward and revolutionized the industry with his stunning displays. Will this decision increase revenues at Parker? Only time will tell. But corporate artists the like of Rod are truly above mere considerations of profit and loss, and his fans are ever grateful for this move.

 But I digress. To put it simply, this diamond in the rough is what would result if Jackson Pollack were to ally himself with the ghost of Van Gogh to produce cover art for a gasket company. A glorious sprinkling of washers adorns the cover in all colours of the rainbow. All the way from the subtle tan of the tiny JU-547 (clearly recognized by the slight serration of the inner edge caused by the use of inferior Sri Lankan rubber), up to the striking jet black of the mammoth KR-863, shown in all it’s 6.43 inches of glory. The washers are sprinkled across the page in a manner that, while it may look random to the uninitiated, shows a clear underlying pattern and purpose to those with a practiced and discerning eye.

 This is certainly one book that may be safely judged by its cover! The interior manages lives up to the lofty promises of the frontispiece. In a clear and concise manner, the entire range of Parker’s repertoire is opened for public display. One cannot help but be drawn to far off climes dreaming of the lives that these foot soldiers in the war on leakage will lead. Will that SP-420 end up in a hard working diesel locomotive plunging across the icy wastes of Siberia? Or will it end up in the water feed of a shaved ice machine making margaritas in sunny Rio? How many lives will that OI-702 save when it is installed in a dialysis machine? Will that PA-825 work in the fuel pump of the rocket that gets us back to the moon? So many stories! So little space!

 As with any great work of art, these catalogues are not easy to locate. Whether it is due to collectors hording their stocks as they wait for the value to rise or because the majority of recipients simply ‘round file’ (to use the vulgar terminology of the industry) their copies; no one is certain. But this author certainly has his suspicions! This copy was located in the office of Mr. Frank Guthrie of RHIP Industries where your reporter is employed during the day.

 I confess to a feeling of some guilt the manner in which I appropriated the catalogue. Having stopped in Mr. Guthrie’s office to question him about the latest round of RFA reports, I happened to notice this work of art sitting, sadly neglected, on a back shelf next to the 1999 Atlas Machining Co. Schedule of Charges. (Also a worthwhile read should you ever happen across a copy.) As I expressed my admiration for his taste in product literature, Mr. Guthrie received a phone call from his daughter; apparently about an expulsion of some sort. As I continued to attempt conversation, Mr. Guthrie appeared to become increasingly agitated and pressed the phone closer and closer to his ear as his face turned ever deeper shades of red. Eventually, with an appearance of anger, (Of all things!) he ripped the booklet from the shelf, thrust it into my hands, and pointedly motioned towards the door. Seeing my opportunity, I beat a hasty retreat before he could come to his senses and ask for the return of or payment for the object of my admiration.

 In conclusion, the 2001 Parker Company Product Catalogue is a rare find without which no vexillalibrist’s collection is truly complete. Whether by hook or by crook, I would highly recommend securing a copy for yourself. Happy hunting!

Editor’s Note: The Parker Gasket Company was bought out by Xi Chung Heavy Industry of Singapore, sold to Petróleo Mexicano, and liquidated in late 2002.